Meditation. It’s a word that gets thrown around a lot these days. You’ve probably heard that it’s good for you, that it can reduce stress, improve focus, and make you a happier and more present human being. And all of that is true. But for most people, the idea of meditation is intimidating. It conjures up images of monks sitting in silent contemplation for hours on end, of a mind that is completely empty and free of thought. And so we tell ourselves, “I can’t do that. My mind is too busy. I don’t have the time.” This is a lie. If you have a mind, you can meditate. And if you have a busy mind, you need to meditate. This is your beginner’s guide to quieting your mind and finding your center.
At its core, meditation is not about stopping your thoughts or emptying your mind. That’s impossible. Your mind is a thought-generating machine, and it’s not going to stop just because you sit down and close your eyes. Meditation is the practice of changing your relationship with your thoughts. It’s about learning to be the observer of your thoughts, rather than being consumed by them. It’s about noticing your thoughts, without judgment, and then gently and repeatedly bringing your attention back to a single point of focus, usually your breath.
Think of your mind as a busy street. There are cars (thoughts) constantly coming and going. For most of your life, you have been standing in the middle of that street, getting hit by every car that comes along. Meditation is the practice of moving to the side of the road. You can still see the cars, you can still hear the cars, but you are no longer being run over by them. You are the calm, centered, and non-judgmental observer.
So, how do you begin this practice? It is incredibly simple.
1. Find a Comfortable Seat.
You don’t have to sit on a cushion on the floor in the lotus position. You can sit in a chair, on your couch, or even on your bed. The key is to find a position where you can be comfortable and your spine can be relatively straight. You want to be relaxed, but also alert.
2. Set a Timer.
Start small. I’m talking one to five minutes. The goal is not to endure a long and arduous meditation session. The goal is to build a consistent habit. You can always increase the time later.
3. Bring Your Attention to Your Breath.
Close your eyes, or soften your gaze. Bring your attention to the sensation of your breath. Feel the air coming in through your nose, and out through your nose. Don’t try to change your breath in any way. Just notice it. Feel the rise and fall of your chest and your belly.
4. Notice When Your Mind Wanders.
This is not a question of if your mind will wander, but when. It will. It will wander to your to-do list, to a conversation you had yesterday, to what you’re going to have for dinner. This is not a mistake. This is not a sign that you are bad at meditation. This is the practice. The moment you notice that your mind has wandered is a moment of mindfulness. It is a moment of victory.
5. Gently Return Your Attention to Your Breath.
When you notice that your mind has wandered, gently and without judgment, guide your attention back to your breath. That’s it. That’s the whole practice. You will do this a thousand times. The practice is not in staying focused on your breath. The practice is in the returning, again and again, with kindness and with compassion for your own busy mind.
This is the work. It is simple, but it is not easy. It is a practice that will frustrate you, that will bore you, and that will challenge you. But if you can stick with it, if you can commit to just a few minutes a day, it will change your life. It will change your relationship with your mind, with your emotions, and with the world. It is the first step on the path to becoming a Sexual Genius.
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