From the time we are boys, we are taught that there are only two acceptable emotions for a man to feel: anger and… well, that’s pretty much it. We are taught that to be sad is to be weak, to be scared is to be a coward, and to be vulnerable is to be a fool. We are handed a tiny, cramped, and suffocating box to live in, and we are told that this is what it means to be a man. This is a lie, and it is a lie that is slowly killing us. Your emotions are not your enemy. They are your allies, your guides, your messengers. And your ability to feel them, to express them, and to learn from them is the key to your power, your freedom, and your wholeness.
When you repress your emotions, you are not getting rid of them. You are simply pushing them down into the basement of your psyche, where they will fester, they will mutate, and they will eventually find a way to come out sideways. They will come out as chronic anxiety, as depression, as addiction, as rage, as a host of physical ailments. The energy of an emotion has to go somewhere. If you do not give it a healthy and conscious outlet, it will create an unhealthy and unconscious one.
Healthy emotional expression is not about becoming a blubbering, overly-emotional mess. It’s not about dumping your feelings on everyone around you. It’s about cultivating a deep and intimate relationship with your own inner world. It’s about having the courage to feel what you feel, without judgment, and without the need to immediately fix it or get rid of it. It’s about learning to be with your emotions, to listen to them, and to allow them to move through you.
So, how do you begin to cultivate this kind of healthy emotional expression? It starts with giving yourself permission. Permission to feel. Permission to be human. Permission to take off the armor of masculinity and to be with what is true in your own heart.
Here are some practical ways to begin this practice:
•Name it to tame it. When you feel a wave of emotion, simply pause and name it to yourself. “This is anger.” “This is sadness.” “This is fear.” The simple act of naming the emotion creates a space between you and the emotion. It allows you to be the observer of the emotion, rather than being consumed by it.
•Feel it in your body. Your emotions are not just in your head; they are in your body. When you feel an emotion, where do you feel it? Is it a tightness in your chest? A knot in your stomach? A lump in your throat? Bring your attention to the physical sensation of the emotion, and simply breathe into it. This is not about analyzing the emotion or trying to figure it out. It’s about being with the raw, physical energy of it.
•Find a healthy outlet. The energy of an emotion needs to move. Find a healthy and conscious way to move it. For anger, it might be hitting a punching bag, or going for a run, or screaming into a pillow. For sadness, it might be listening to a sad song, or journaling, or talking to a trusted friend. The key is to find an outlet that allows you to express the emotion without causing harm to yourself or to others.
This is the work of a warrior. It takes courage, it takes strength, and it takes a profound level of self-honesty. But it is the work that will lead you to a life of greater freedom, greater power, and greater connection. It is the work of becoming a whole man.
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